The Enemy of the Good (eideteker) wrote,
The Enemy of the Good

Seems like the only time I have for introspection these days is while I'm asleep. Last night, I dreamt that I had a prom or something. Bought a brand new, sparkling white silk suit. Message!

The scene (because really, that's what it was) where I got changed into the suit (with help) resulted in me coming out looking like a man. All growed up! Message!

Oh well. Hopefully this means mental/psychological new beginnings. It helped that a friend (whom I've recently become closer to) gave me a heartfelt hug (in the dream, I mean) and told me what a wonderful person I was. Hey, that's like my subconscious telling me I think I'm OK, right? It's probably still not healthy, but I think I'd do much better if I got a hug at the end of every day and someone told me I was a good person/had done a good job/was appreciated. Stupid need for external validation.

At least on the external validation thing, my freestyle hip-hop show is growing in renown. The booking agent for the bar we play once a month is supposedly coming to watch our show this Thursday, with a view towards giving us a better time slot. And we got approved for a Test Drive at the Magnet (my regular theater). Things are happening!

Signed my lease again, meaning I'm about to start Year 3 in this apartment. That's longer than anywhere else I've lived continuously on my own, and is approaching the longest I've been anywhere since moving out on my own (made it about 2.5 years living in the same place with contadina). Starting to feel like home for the first time since Louisville (age 7, for those keeping track). I miss all the people I no longer see, don't get me wrong. But this was almost certainly the best move I could have hoped to make.

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