What does this have to do with today? Today is, in the United States of America, "Thanksgiving"; a day you are supposed to give thanks for surviving the previous year without ending up in jail or waking up naked at the opera. Give thanks, but to whom? "Thank" is a transitive verb; it requires an object. Since we know the Pilgrims were Jesus-licking God-lovers, the answer is obvious. You need to give up thanks in supplication to skyfather for not smiting you. And don't get me wrong; you should absolutely thank your family and friends for all they've done for you and would do again in a heartbeat. I'm just not the kind to embrace imaginary sky-things, no matter how noodly. But it is good to reflect on your life and realize that, hey, if you're still alive, you haven't completely fucked it up. There are a lot of things to celebrate. For one thing, I'm getting free food. That is just awesome. And I'm certainly glad that this holiday (oops, better make that just plain "day") isn't commercialized to hell the way the big X is. I don't have to do anything but show up somewhere and ingest free food. Beats the hell out of the OMG HAF 2 GET PREZZIES, knock-down, drag-out,clawing-and-elbowing, beastly holiday crowds aspect of the 25th of next month. So I think I need a new name for today, something that conveys that today is a day for just enjoying life, the company of friends and family one might not normally see, our freedoms as Americans, and mountains of stuffing. I was thinking "Celebration Day", but that's already a Led Zeppelin song. Plus, it's not nearly effusive enough. So I was thinking to call it HOOORAY!!! Day (superfluous exclamation points mandatory). And when saying it aloud, you have to pronounce it in ALL CAPS. If it helps, think of my icon when you say it.