Supression of the self, or the self-image, is fairly difficult. It means an end to shame, an end to worry, an end to others' opinions of you. I am how I am, ever growing, ever moving forward, because you can't move backward. I'm no longer dedicated to seizing the day, sucking the marrow out of life, or giving it my best. I'm going to give it what I can afford; which turns out to be quite a lot with time prudently invested (rather than thrown around willy-nilly). But I won't be dissatisfied to the point of frustration; I will keep trying and seeing what improves. If nothing does, well, I'll just try something else.
But none of this means squat if I don't get to the lab today, even for a little while. Tonight, I have work, during which I will hopefully have time to start reading GEB: EGB.
I'm also compiling a mental list of the people I would like to get back in touch with.