The Enemy of the Good (eideteker) wrote,
The Enemy of the Good
eideteker

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Schooled by the Masters of Capsaicin

We went to the chili cookoff on the Ithaca Commons today and it was fscking cold. The Internet says it's -9° F with the windchill, but I don't believe it's that warm. There were a number of booths where chili could be sampled in exchange for one of the book of tickets you purchased down the street. But mostly there was a lot of free cold. Amputations for frostbite-induced gangrene cost extra. Hours later, I'm still cold, and my apartment's sitting pretty at 68° F. Most of the chili was lackluster (Chili's's chili was actually COLD, like colder than the room temperature it would have been if taken fresh from a can). A fellow taster described it as "Like Hormel, but worse." Ralph's was waterier than when I'd had it at the restaurant, to my disappointment. Cornell's Food Science team held things down, with a somewhat journeyman chili. You could describe it as "average" or "quintessential" depending on how it struck you. It was unremarkable but otherwise quite good. Mohogany Grill had the best chili we tasted, but they ran out before we could make our way around for seconds. Would have been a great afternoon if it had been ten degrees warmer. There were maybe one or two chilis that were meaty enough for my taste, since I hate tomatoes and am not really supposed to eat beans (I have a legume allergy, known to most as a "peanut allergy," but peanuts are just a subset). I can eat green beans but not green peas, I hate even the smell of coffee (moreso than even the smell of peanut butter), so I only assume I'm allergic to it, as I'm told olfactory revulsion is common for allergens. Most beans are a crap shoot (no pun intended in the writing, but condoned in the editing), as the Florida crew might remember from our bowling outing after burritos in Gainesville two years ago. "Where'd N@ go?" So far today, so good. But I love telling [loudly opinionated] vegans to go screw because I can't eat tofu/soy/etc (not reliably) so they should get their opinions off my diet. For the most part, I can deal with vegetarianism. I'll eat salads and fruit for days on-end but I won't turn down ribs. I once went vegetarian for a number of weeks without realizing it. So it's not that it's tough. But I embrace the circle of life, so long as it's slathered in barbecue sauce. I've gone so far as to make moo-cow noises while eating. And on April Fool's my freshman year, I ordered a veggie burger with bacon from the grill at Jansen's. That was some funny shit. "Yeah, can I get bacon on that?" Us college kids are such asses.

I talk big, but my money's where my mouth is. Who among you will step up to the challenge and eat my barbecued remains when I die (assuming the meat's safe to consume and not diseased)? Think of it as life renewed...
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