The Enemy of the Good (eideteker) wrote,
The Enemy of the Good

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I don't like feeling like I've made a "pity me" entry. I don't like shouting "WOE IS ME" or "ATTN PLS OK TKS". It makes me feel emotionally manipulative. It's made all the worse by the fact that I don't want to seem unappreciative. There is no artful way to say, "No, don't pity me. Don't be supportive, either." Tact has never been my strong point anyway.

In other news, ten years later, Better Than Ezra is growing on me. Maybe that's because most of the music being made today is Ezra.

I've decided that, in the long run, I need to live somewhere where the days are more than 10 hrs. long in autumn. That's barely enough to get me to and from an eight-hour job. Now that I'm more aware of Seasonal Affective Disorder, let's see how I'm feeling in late December. Probably like shit. It wouldn't be so bad if Ithaca wasn't so often overcast. I am aware that even as far south as Key West, the day is only about an hour longer. But hey, an hour is enough time to get in some grocery shopping after work.

Anger is, and consistently has been, my only weapon against depression. But yesterday I just hit a point where I couldn't care anymore. My body physically crashed from stress. I don't know if there's any connection between cortisol and sleep, but my brain was still alert while my body decided that it had had enough of being awake. I fell asleep in class for the first time this semester (though I think some of the sleep can be blamed on the lack of artificial light in my apartment after 4pm). But you could have walked up to me and told me that my entire family was dead; I just didn't have anything more to give. "Somebody could walk into this room and say your life is on fire. It's all over the evening news; all about the fire in your life on the evening news."

Perspective inversion: I was looking at my transcript yesterday, noting my pretty much straight C average (I used to joke that I would graduate last in my class; having the lowest possible passing GPA). But hey, think about it this way, how many people would practically kill for the chance to get through Cornell with straight Cs? If you're going to suck, at least suck at the best.

I like watching Bullshit! It's good to see a libertarian point of view. Watching shows like that and reading books like Ain't Nobody's Business leave me with hope that perhaps, somehow, there's a growing Libertarian movement out there, and not of nutjobs, but of people who actually want to rid society of some of its more willful hypocrisy. I've even gotten my Born-Again Republican mother (she used to be a Democrat, not a heathen) to admit Libertarian leanings. I am a single (and childless), intellectual/educated, libertarian, atheist (not agnostic), anarchist, voting, adult male, and I'm PISSED. Soccer moms, I am your worst nightmare. I disable child safety windows. I "curse" in front of kids. I reject your narrow-minded, controlling society, and all its mores. Fuck marriage, gay or straight. I say individuals should have the right to form whatever unions they choose, just as business entities. Want to have three wives and two husbands? Just sign this LLC paperwork. It documents dispute resolution, and what happens on dissolution of the partnership by any or all of its members. I set off fireworks, fer Crissakes!* Lock up your daughters! THERE'S A MADMAN ON THE LOOSE! "I want freedom; that's what I want! And that's what you should want! ... We're gonna get fired up about the real things, the things that matter; creativity and the dynamic human spirit that refuses to submit."

See? Anger. It works.

"That's it; that's all I got to say. It's in your court."

*Though I am interested to see just how draconian and byzantine the requirement$ are to become a licensed fireworks operator in the State of New York. I'd do it, just to be a fucker.
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