Mood:I want to look at life in the available light
Music:Rush - Available Light
Fear is the little death
I am four hours late for bed, and I still haven't done any laundry. It is going to rain nonstop all weekend. I am still going to Boston on my motorcycle because I am not the sort of person who breaks commitments. I am not the sort of person who backs down from challenges. I am the sort of person who carefully weighs a situation, figures it's possible though likely difficult, and dives in regardless. As someone who is daily beseiged by his own objections, real or imagined, it is important to me that I face real objections and overcome them in a concrete matter. I can do this and it will not be easy. My ass will be sore, my endurance will be tested, and most importantly I may have to make that hard decision that says, "No, I can't do this," and get a hotel for the night if I think I can't make it. Being an adult is confronting reality; confronting the fact that life and death are inextricably intertwined. Death is inevitable. Fear of death prevents life from happening.
This may sound like the last thing I ever plan to write, and it should. I do not plan to go down in some horrible accident tomorrow; in fact, I have taken every precaution that I won't do precisely that. But I have come to terms in my life and I continue coming to terms with the fact that death is very real, and that fear of death can also inspire you to live. Death is the deadline that keeps even the most procrastinatory of us moving. And I'll keep living life as if every day were my last.
By this time tomorrow, I'll be safe and warm in Boston. And if I'm not, I'm sure the hotel will be quite nice and cozy. I will live another day, precisely because I acknowledge death as a reality. In motorcycling, I can make this concrete in a way I cannot with my studying; but hope to do. One challenge at a time.