The Enemy of the Good (eideteker) wrote,
The Enemy of the Good

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That took too long

So ok, an hour ago, I turned 24. Yeah, my birth took place at 11:31pm Central Daylight Time, and I now live in Eastern. This is old news!

As time goes on, it seems everyone I know has found their specialty. Everyone has something they are good at. But I have always been reasonably good at everything. Then someone revealed to me that my pet phrase "Jack of all trades" had a second half: "Master of none." Poot.

I think I went through a long period of not feeling good at anything until I got my license (not until I was 19; money reasons). When I slid behind the wheel of a car, it felt like destiny. I decided to move to Hollywood and become a famous stunt driver. But then I realized that I am hella prissy; I don't like to get dirty, and I am violently opposed to broken bones and stitches (I have only ever had one of each). So that dream was dashed. But I realized as time went by and I made longer and longer trips that I am pretty much KING O FROD.

Just think, among my guy friends at Cornell, who would you like to be your driver in an emergency or on a bank job? I may not be handsome Rob, but look at the candidates:

1. Me. I rock the road. All those hours of Rad Racer and subsequent games paid off. I can see 30 seconds into the future and when I drive, I also manage traffic. I weave only when necessary but when I do, it is smooth like water zigzagging down a pane of glass. Though I may not own the fastest ride, I consistently average high time and have never had a speeding ticket. Oops, jinxed.

2. Joe. An all-around competent driver; he does well on distance trips and keeps it on the road even when he is asleep. Which is more than I can say for his dad.

3. David. He now has a license and a car! But the concept of driving itself is alien to him, as he is from a small hamlet called "Brooklyn" where cars are forbidden and everyone takes the "Tube". Also, he's more likely to try to bluff the cops than lose them in traffic.

LAST PLACE. Tom. Even before reading his recent LJ entry, I put Tom last because I think that he has not owned a single car that he has not totalled at least once. And then today he goes and scratches up he new ride. OMG, Tom, stop driving! The poor boy is from Lawn Guyland, where folks are so rich that when they run out of gas they just wreck their rides because hey, they're insured!

So, in conclusion, I am the best. At driving. But I have the best friends in the world (including ones not mentioned above) and I could never hope to compete when it comes to simply being there (and having a good sense of humor about lj). Nor will I ever have to.

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