I was thinking around these things tonight while I was at this Country & Western bar with Jean Marie for Erica's birthday. We hit the bar and she got a beer. I don't drink beer. I had a double shot of Stoli straight, and took it in a gulp. JM's eyes bugged out. Jean Marie's never seen me drink (most people haven't, and this was only the second time we'd actually met face to face), so I told her the legends about my tolerance. I told her about the party where I walked in, drained a whiskey bottle into one of those 12 oz. plastic cups (the red ones) and took it in two gulps. One of my friends, possibly a closet alcoholic but definitely a hard drinker, walked in as I was doing this and went "Damn!" Jean Marie laughed a bit and said that when an alcoholic goes "Damn!" at you, you've got a problem. I asked her to tell me if she thought so, because tonight was my third drink (not time drinking, third drink) this year. She said, "No, probably not." One of the reasons I drink only vodka is that I figure if I stick to the nastiest, foulest stuff imaginable (not talking about Pabst), I'm least likely to become an alcoholic. The other reason is because I can.
So why am I not living life on the edge, to its utmost every day? I can do anything; but that doesn't mean I will. You can reason (as I have) that because I'm very confident in most of my abilities that I don't need to test them, stretch them, flaunt them, at my every chance. There's also that aspect that hides the possibility that I might be scared to actually fail at something. But I can't fail. I haven't yet, at least.
David says I'm very self-aware. I wonder if that's a good thing. Introspection, in my experience, leads to fewer answers and more questions.