The Enemy of the Good (eideteker) wrote,
The Enemy of the Good
eideteker

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The Pursuit of Happiness, I said pursuit, son.

I don't know if Kermix was referring to me as one of the people taking creative action to achieve their dreams, but my novel is coming along nicely after a week hiatus. It's a slow process coming to terms with the fact that the only taskmaster you will have for the rest of your life is yourself. Maybe the break did me 'good'. Maybe I need to be working on other projects, like java programming (which I forgot to learn), reorganizing my CDs (not autobiographically, I promise), and being more active outdoors.

I need to talk to Cornell about them still allowing me in. Right now, I am gunning heavily for a major promotion at work. The only reason they won't give it to me is because they want me to go back to school. I want to go back to school, too, but advancement feels nice. I'm thinking about moving up to Ithaca even if I don't go back full-time and seeing if I can take maybe two classes while I work platform at a bank in the area. I think a move might do me good. Becca's worried about me becoming isolated, which is a valid concern, but let's face it; I'm not hanging out with anyone around here on anything close to a regular basis. If I can get a promotion here and then get a matching salary up there, I should be able to cover my own rent. I'm working on a credit rating now, so if I need more loans I can take them. I only owe $13k right now, which is not bad after three years at an Ivy. I could pay that off in two years, really, with a good tech writing job (which I know I can get, see previous entries about how I can do anything, especially handle interviews). If I really push, within three years I can be making almost $60k, I know. I just have to do it, dammit. It's so hard but I want it. Cornell has to want me back, and I have to show them I'm no joke.

I'm not.

I really want to expose myself to a challenging and stirring atmosphere again. My creativity has been really low since I stopped dealing with highest-tech gadgets and cutting edge physics in my every day schooling. I'm trying to do auto-tutorial but it's hard to concentrate on while you have work. In grade school up through HS, I could just ignore the teacher and read whatever (which the teachers had a hard time learning to deal with) while jotting down concepts to explore. I can see why Dr. Roberts (my chem teacher, bless her Danish heart) had so much faith in my self-teaching ability when I thought it was obvious to everyone that my learning was undisciplined. But work and the real world impinge on my creative time, and when it's not jot-a-thot-a-minnit it gets hard. It's like running a train and then having to stop, carry it, and place it down on track several hours later. It's hard dealing with interruptions, and I'm not as used to dealing with car troubles and checkbook balancing as I am to teachers droning on in the background. But I, I will survive.

GRRAGEGWEJTHWKJHTWGGGGGHHHHERRRRRR

Sometimes it feels good to shout. =)
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