The Enemy of the Good (eideteker) wrote,
The Enemy of the Good

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Things I can do

When I was five, my dad tried to teach me to ride a bike. I fell, I didn't have the rhythm, I didn't enjoy myself. Four years later, I found the bike, reinflated the tires, and took it outside. I wanted to ride, so I did.

I want a typewriter and a sewing machine.


Things I Can Do:
I can make soap from animal fat, as an interim step in the candlemaking process
I can also make candles (duh)
I can make paper from wood pulp
I can operate a loom and weave fabric
I can sew
I can fence, and last night I dreamt I was a fencing instructor
I can reliably hit a target at thirty meters with a double recurve bow (no wind)
I can read a book a day
I can overcome any fear
I can count paper money by heft and feel within about three bills either way
I can make change faster than a cash register
I can count in binary and trinary on my fingers
I can control my dreams
I can, to an extent, control the dreams of others
I can effortlessly put songs into multiple people's heads at once
I can rock the party
I can tell the funniest joke with the deadest of expressions
I can kill any conversation
I can dance like there's no tomorrow
I can predict the weather
I can find the answer
I can feel the pain of others
I can speak loudly without yelling
I can walk faster than you
I can show you where you're ticklish, even if we've never met before
I can hold your interest for this long, at least
I can oppose everyone
I can lower my sensitivity to pain
I can tell you what's wrong and what's been bugging you
I can listen like no one else
I can steal the attention of a thousand people in an auditorium
I can make you stand up and applaud
I can steal the show from a professional comedian, but in a way that makes him laugh
I can out-ninja squirrels
I can charm spiders and ants and birds and rabbits and even cats
I can develop film
I can do something for absolutely no reason other than that I felt like doing it to see what would happen
I can make you want to do things you didn't, because I was inspired by Tom Sawyer as a child and so practiced carefully
I can derive linguistic roots as a matter of course
I can translate Chaucer on the fly and make it rhyme
I can hang out with anyone
I can leave a favorable impression on a girl's parents by just being myself
I can make goth girls laugh out loud
I can make myself a perfect stranger's best friend
I can get the most diverse use out of anything
I can improve upon things you take as granted
I can talk anyone down
I can cheer anyone up
I can meet you, find your buttons, push them relentlessly, and still have you love me even though we just met
I can decide not to feel bad
I can make this work
I can paint my nails better than most girls
I can disassemble something and put it back together without any noticeable difference
I can do something after having seen it done once, or not at all
I can wait indefinitely
I can stare for an hour without blinking
I can beat you at your own game, or at least match
I can impress


A gentleman just came to my window and gave me his business card. He told me he was impressed with the way I handled my customers the last time he was here and that he was a recruiter. I was quite frankly flattered, but it makes sense.


Rod Stewart's Maggie May is about Margaret Thatcher.


I don't mean to be all world-conqueror Mr. ICanDoAnything, but I've been getting a lot of positive reinforcement lately, and dammit, it feels good. I used to get it nonstop when I was a child and so I was one of the best and brightest. But then around eighth grade, it began to peter out, and eventually so did I. So thank you for helping me to be me. Belief is a power, power feeds passion, and passion is beauty.

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