"If I hear one more person say..." You'll WHAT? Oh, no you won't. And if you will, then save us the prediction and just fucking DO it. Shut your face, Mr. Empty Threats.
"You go, girl!" But where?
"appears to be/seems to be" Is it, or isn't it? Does it appear to be cloudy today? No, it either is cloudy, or it isn't. If you're having trouble, roll for disbelief and fucking DECIDE.
"in order" Have you ever noticed that this phrase is usually superflous?
"-slut/-whore" Stop it already, kids. You're cheapening the world's oldest profession. Just who have you slept with in exchange for livejournal comments, Miss Comment-whore?
And you know what needs to die? This "claim a..." bullshit. That and official Vanilla coke. If your life is really so boring that you have to chatter on for months on end about something that has really been around for most of a century just because some coporate entity decides to make it official, you haven't read my previous entry. Losers read the news. Winners make it.
The last thing that needs to die are *internet actions*. You know what I mean. *pauses, scornful look*. Just fucking TYPE IT. "Dearest Andrea, I'm sitting here, laughing out loud at what you wrote. It was really funny; thanks."
*typing with trembling fingers* vs. I am typing this with trembling fingers.
Doesn't that look SO MUCH BETTER? Christ, it's even half-way professional. Instead of saying *scratches head*, why not say "I'm scratching my head at this" or "That really has me scratching my head". They don't even write actions like that in plays. They write Roger pauses, and gives a scornful look. See? Subject, verb. Hell, conjunctions.
"Oh, well, I'm trying to pretend it's an action, seperate from what I'm saying." Well, don't. When I write an entry, I don't try to pretend I am fucking the Queen of France. I pretend I'm writing an entry. Heck, I don't even have to pretend; I really am writing an entry! Text is not a limitation; it's a tool. Don't try to circumvent it. Try to use it for a change. Because communication is according to a set of common rules. Deviation from those rules is okay; violating them is miscommunication. Don't devalue language; it's a commodity more precious than even money. Money has a physical aspect; something you can hold. Someone who does not understand money can still use it; the same is false for language. The rapid expansion of Internet communication is causing literary inflation which is hard to check; there is no gold standard to back language.