The Enemy of the Good (eideteker) wrote,
The Enemy of the Good

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When was my last long rambling depressive introspective entry?

I am watching High Fidelity.

I'll give you some time to make your remarks about blah blah blah pretentious music jerk and how you knew I'd love this movie cause I fit the stereotype and yada yadda.



Go on.


Are you finished? Ok.

I like this movie for a few reasons. Yes, music, ok. Thank you, Captain Obvious. I like Rob's character. I'm really liking his character, and Dick, and Barry. Dick reminds me of Alison, especially when he's talking about dating a musician. Barry reminds me of Ryan, who's very particular about some geek things, almost to the point of obnoxiousness, but is also a fantastically creative person when he gets right down into stuff. I'm prouder to know either of them that I'd ever admit.

So what, I'm like Rob? Big surprise, you're saying. I'm not saying that. Paying attention to his character has taught me—actually taught—me more about myself. He's so busy considering the big picture, and all the pawns in the game, and everyone's angle, and fact and fiction, and allllllllll the rest that sometimes, he just can't see. I was very Rob when I dated Amanda.

I love Laura's character. Every time I watch the movie, I understand her a bit better, and I can understand the girls I've loved better. Don't tell her this, but sometimes I compare Becca to her.

But that's just me, afraid to be alone for the rest of my life at the tender age of not-yet-twentitwo.

Rob's very selfish. So am I. I went through my us vs. them period, too. Sometimes I still think like that. Sometimes I think like I've 'recovered' from a 'period' in my life, and that I'm 'better' now. Like the mountain of revelation has been crested, when it's all foothills. Like I'm getting somewhere. I'm headed somewhere. Where's the shortcut? What's the bottom line?

Did you sleep with him? Is that what you really want to know? Rob, why do you want Laura back? What does yet mean?

What, you want a qualitative evaluation of our chances of getting back together? Nine. Nine? Yes, nine percent.

Shimatta bakame. I have made a mistake. Does it make me cooler for knowing that? Does it make me better for being able to appreciate the irony in my words and actions? Am I somehow competent for knowing I'm a fake?

I sit and I analyze, instead of doing. It is what I do. It's what I'm good at.

There I am again, withe strengths. Giving yourself strengths is also giving yourself limits. I'm good at everything, I really am. It's amazing. But I'm afraid to do it. Or too lazy. Or too busy calculating moves to make them.

All the angles. I can see all the angles. So, whatcha gonna do about it, boy?

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