Man, it was all I could do to form a coherent sentence. Somehow, I managed to flirt (half-assedly), but I could feel myself getting hot and as soon as she left, I was all giggles. Hee! I don't think I've had a crush on a girl (woman!) in ages. I've been approaching this whole female thing from a more intellectual angle, such as: "Hey, she looks cute and is fun to converse with. Perhaps she will accompany me to blah blah." I went so far, just this very morning, while looking at myself in the mirror, top button yet unfastened, looking almost rugged and ready to work with my hands, inserting clauses everyfrickenwhere, and said: "You know, maybe I will just give up on the whole woman thing and fashion children out of common household items. I don't think I'll ever meet a woman who will raise my kids the way I want 'em raised."
I've definitely been complimented on my appearance today (and people are always surprised that I pick out my own clothes, look damn good in them, and am not gay) by the old ladies, but they're always complementary. Absentmindedly struck up conversation with a definite M.I.L.F. and she seemed so happy to have someone talk to her socially she ran with it. She left with a large smile on her face, and it stayed there as my eyes followed her around the corner of the building. Nice lady; single mom. Glad I could make her smile. She looks like she tries hard, but she's currently unemployed or something (I mean, hey, we get the checks, and they say right on them where they're from). So even more than the cute Greek chick holding a conversation with me, that made me smile.
I am the shit. (noticing a pattern?)
Look out ladies, today. I guess the secret is to go without sleep for three days, frantically trying to make progress in Atlas Shrugged. It must loosen me up or something. To spark conversation with the Cute Greek Businesswoman, I actually feigned ignorance; something I'm usually way too uptight and obnoxiously intellectual to do, and asked her a "stupid question" about something personal (her name) the answer to which I knew (it's in the computer, duh!). Yay, talking about Greece. I like Greece, and I definitely like Greek women. This one is no exception, except that she's exceptionally beautiful, intelligent, nice, and lively. Her boyfriend must be an incredibly happy man, and if he's not, I'll find him and beat him personally. And really, it's a remarkably beautiful name; very elegant. If I'd been a few steps further away from a complete and total brain dorkeurysm, I might've told her that it is very elegant, just like she is.
I don't know what it is about beauty, but I could stare at some women for hours. It makes me feel very comfortable, and yet uncomfortable at the same time; like my eyes aren't holding hers or reflecting back just how much in awe of her I am. I hate that feeling of inadequacy where I'm second guessing myself and wondering, does she understand, can she read on my face, just how beautiful she is? I feel like if not, I'm letting her down. Or maybe I'm keeping some of that feeling to myself, selfishly, when it's really her beauty, and she should be albe to see it the way everyone else does. For me to keep it from her would be sin. I'm talking in general here, not just about the CGB.
Bah, I feel like 100% sucker. A complete dorkbrain. I was all flushed and giggly and sighing and light after she left. One of the other tellers was telling me this or that about her, and I would respond, not even realizing how loudly, "Oh, really? Wow. Fantastic!" etc. Geek. I couldn't even think straight. I hate myself when I'm like that, and yes, hate is a strong word. But the feeling is so grand... I don't know if or when I'll next fall in love, but I know I never want to lose the crush, the falling itself.