Well, okay. I'm not gonna do that anymore. I'm going to take my time and reply, eventually. I'm not going to be that guy.
I feel a lot of the time like I have nothing to say. Or if I do, it's nothing the other person wants to hear. When I have nothing to say, my lips are sealed. Say nothing once; why say it again?
I feel a lot of pressure to be charming or witty or interesting. Or to listen and be supportive. I just want to dream into a microphone, or a keyboard. I also want to avoid being annoying. I ask people not to use a particular turn of phrase with me, and they respond by playfully trying to find loopholes. It horrifies me; I think: "My God, am I like that with people?" I think I should shut up, a lot. Old habit. I mean, really; who wants to feign interest while I make jokes about electrons "enlarging their p-ness"?
I'm boring, but I listen, dammit. I'm going to get that back; I'm going to win that back.
And no, this doesn't include those messages waiting for me at three AM, even if I do wake up, and you're still online. I will be going back to sleep.
