Before I continue, let me caution you that what I have to say will possibly shock or bore you. That is, unless I chicken out and don't say it.
Love's an interesting thing-a-ma-bob. I'm beginning to understand love less as an affinity for a specific person as for a situation. After all, love is supposed to be, at its most basic, a bond. An elastic tether of relationship. Some are longer than others, some hold you tighter. And if stretched, they can break. Life with love is the constant attempt to achieve a (non-static) equilibrium with the thousand rubberbands that invisibly tie us to everyone we know and everyone they know.
Sometimes, a violent move is required to keep yourself from getting stuck, or worse, torn to pieces by competing forces. And sometimes you have to remain perfectly still, despite the restlessly changing dynamic that surrounds you.
Rather than people, you fall in love with a situation; with your relationship to them. So often I've tried to develop a merely flirtatious relationship further only to find I'd like to go back. But you can't; the dynamic's already changed. Don't get me wrong; I'm not advocating complete immobility. As I said, sometimes you have to move to stay whole, to stay free.
At this point, you're expecting me to say something about the "true art being knowing when to move and something something the silence between the notes." Well, there, I've said it. But the problem I'm coming to grips with is illusion. Rather than focus on the tangible bond, invisible as it is, we focus on the person at the other end. We try to change them, rather than change the bond between us. At one point, I agonized about how to get closer to this friend, or that one, without "ruining things." But what I did not see was that at least as much as I loved the person, I loved the situation. The nature of the relationship.
In our efforts to get closer to the person, we disregard the bonds. The elastic that ties us to one another slackens if we get closer than the elasticity that held us together allows, and our inertia will carry us straight past what we'd aimed for. That's the art of tension, seen through Newton's First Law. The force that holds us together also holds us apart.
You ask, "What am I supposed to do? How does your 'novel' view of matters blah blah blah." I never promised you a solution.
"love— love will tear us apart... again"