I was going to post something "witty" today that referred to Bif's line in BAK TO TEH FUCHAR where he says, "Why don't you make like a tree and [scram/get outta here (I can't remember)]?" I was going to say why don't you make like an egg and scram, as opposed to "beat it." But then I thought... scram... scrambled eggs... scramble... I wonder if they are related? Scram doesn't sound like anything but short for scramble. Of course, it could be the other way around, so I checked dictionary.com. Sure enough, linguists seem to agree with me. What else is new? What's that game called where you place your hand on a table and stab the spaces between your fingers as fast as you can? Bishop did it in Aliens, I believe. Anyway, I used to be really good at that; about 5 or six stabs a second. Now I'm down to four (41 stabs in 10 seconds). That's still 240 chances to stab myself per minute. And I used a pen today, not a knife like I used to. Good thing, too, or I would have lost my index finger, cut some tendons in my thumb, and pretty well slit the back of my wrist. I can tell by where the ink marks my skin. I haven't done it since right before I started dating Becca, when I stabbed myself through my thumbnail pretty righteously. The top5 things to do before I die:
Drive cross-country. Probably retrace Rte. 66. It's the beat thing to do. (Do you say route "root" or "raut"?)
Become fluent in another language. I want to be able to slip back and forth between the two mentally, possibly dreaming in both.
Write a song. With instruments and everything. And not just "make" a song, like with Worse Than Pop. Really craft it. Put my soul into it.
Patent an invention.
Raise kids. (Saved the best for last?)
Perpetrate a worldwide hoax, something on the scale of the Piltdown Man.
Listen to Weezer. No, I'm kidding. I don't really want to listen to Weezer.
Rock the Casbah. Take my band on a world tour, at least. I don't know if we'll get to play Middle Eastern venues, though.
Kill a Beatle. (Watch out, Paul.)
Turn down a nomination for the Presidency. I would probably sing "High-Fiving MF"... YOU WANT ME... YOU CAN'T PAY!!! etc.