The Enemy of the Good (eideteker) wrote,
The Enemy of the Good

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Behind the finer feelings; the civilised veneer / The heart of a lonely hunter guards a dangerous frontier

I updated that music survey to reflect all the Vast and Hum I've been listening to.

Good, now that we've lost all the people who go "Oooooh! Shiny link!"

I'm concerned about my lack of posts (I know you're not; you're relieved, you bastard). Just yesterday, I was feeling all gung-ho about doing some "real" writing, ie, putting some more work into the "Roman a Clef" serial that I was writing.

My brain has been flirting with U2's "Lemon." I'm thinking much about the pursuit of women. Not a particular woman... more the void-filling "anyone will do" girl craziness that traumatizes my soul.

Traumatizes? I mean, I enjoy it. I just worry that the way that I go all ga-ga over a girl the minute I see something in her I like, or something in her that I wish I saw in myself... that that will scare her and/or alienate her. I'm an intense guy, at times. I just feel like going OMGOMGOMG I LIEK YUO!!!
Some day, I will meet the girl who is all like, I LOVESES J00 TOO!!!$!@$%!@$!

But wasn't I on a higher quest? I thought I was going to nix the whole external validation trip and work on the big E of enlightenment.

I'm probably just blowing smoke; I've gotten better about handling this since I was in high school.

Cassandra was the prophetess in Greek mythology cursed so that no one would ever believe her. The Greek gods were fond of giving those they blessed with foresight with a curse (witness the blind prophet in the Odyssey granted foresight and robbed of his normal sight). Me? I've been compared to the guide in "The Gods Must Be Crazy"... really composed and knowledgeable, until you got him near a woman. Boy howdy did he ever fall to pieces, stumbling over his words, tripping and falling all because he was rendered so self-conscious. And here I am, a pretty damn good flirt, completely unable to use my powers for good, evil, or self-interest. How do I trick myself into believing I don't like a girl so that her opinion of me doesn't matter?

I'm thinking about this, and my college "dating" career, and just laughing. I'm so neurotic sometimes. Given a chance to travel back in time, I think I would visit myself. For perspective. Plus, I'd loooove to have someone I can bounce jokes off of with even better timing than Joe. That is, if I didn't keep trying to one up myself. Prima fucking donna.

Magnolia is on Encore this month. Excellent. I need to see it so that I can compare myself with the "smart kid," I'm told. I feel like I owe it to Louis, at least, since I was the only one of his friends who actually liked him.

In summary, girls of the world, I love you. Please bear with me; I get smitten at times. Other times, I write long-winded overanalytical pieces about things long past. I hope they entertain someone other than me. If not, eh. You can't please 'em all.

Especially not women. But give me time... I'm working on it. >:D

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