The Enemy of the Good (eideteker) wrote,
The Enemy of the Good

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Where to turn?

Dreams, last night (this morning, technically, after I fell back asleep). Plagued by dreams. Why am I still dreaming of her? Why am I still dreaming of getting her back?

I did dream of a #conversatron road trip last night, and somehow it managed to be Michelle, Lis, and me, poring over a map, planning the best routes, mostly to see a whole bunch of people at UF. I don't know why Lis didn't come with us, but Michelle and I took off to go pick up my car, hopping on public transit, and my coat got stuck. And she got on the train without me (something similar happened when I was out there). I managed to get to the train (this time) right before it left, but when I looked for her, she was nowhere to be seen. She was hiding.

And so my heart keeps breaking itself night after night. I mourn not so much the loss of who she was as who I thought she was. The girl that I fell in love with... well, she doesn't really exist, does she? And likewise, the girl who fell in love with me isn't real.... After all, who could really love me? Who could understand me like that? I feel like no one can, or ever will, and I'm doomed to this abyss of having lost something that wasn't ever real; something that never can be. And yeah, I feel like Dr. Doom probably did when he lost the Power Cosmic. Where's the woman who can listen to me say that without rolling her eyes?

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