January 27th, 2014

Good Grief!

I could be more cliché, but it would require serious effort.

In my sleep, I reached out for someone who wasn't there. Only, my fingers found her and she woke me with an appreciative sigh as they ran through her hair. Startled by what I expected to not find there, I kicked myself up a level of consciousness and woke up for real to find an armful of pillow.

Yep, couldn't even make it up. Or, I could, but what would be the point?

There was so much contained in that moment, that brief instant of contact. The affection, its appreciative reception, the joy of having someone to care for, the feeling that you matter. That you make a (positive) difference in someone's life. Cause for all the aphorisms about loving yourself etc. etc., at the end of the day, it's still a closed system, and you can't get more out of it than you put in. You can make it run more efficiently by minimizing negativity, but it'll never get over unity.

I'm also kind of bummed because my intern shift at the theater is ending tomorrow, and I didn't get much warning at all. It hasn't been quite a full year, but then I put in some extra shifts (like during the NYMIF), so I'm at about my limit. Though they might bring me back for the festival later this year (whereupon I'll be rusty and all kinds of things will have changed in the intervening 8 months?). At least folks have been unilaterally positive about my work, and I even got props for my (improvised!) lighting work last week. Maybe folks'll raise such a stink that they'll have to bring me back.

Oh well, at least I get my Tuesday nights back, and I won't be such a zombie on Wednesdays (and Thursdays, and Fridays...).

I'm still working on me. And working on making 2014 the year where I find my voice and work on my projects. Uh, after I figure out what I'm doing for employment in a month... =| (Ahh, contract life!)