May 23rd, 2013

Destroyer

It doesn't get comfortable

The closer I get to comfortable (at least, financially), the less comfortable I get. I sit staring at a Macbook Air, pondering a purchase, unbelieving that I can afford to purchase it without going into debt, or even wiping out my savings entirely and... I'm just waiting. Waiting for the bottom to drop out.

I'm so unused to stability that it makes me feel unstable. I'm suspicious of it. And I'm still skeptical of happiness, unsure that I'm deserving of it, sure that it won't last, feeling like it must be a prelude to something worse. I see the football, and I know I can kick it and kick it well, but I don't trust Lucy.

Are you comfortable? It doesn't get any better than this...
  • Current Mood
    are you any better than this?