June 26th, 2012


He ain't a heavy breather, he's my brother

I finally got the results from my sleep study back, and on a scale of "mild, moderate, severe," I have moderate sleep apnea.

And wow. Just wow. Talk about life-changing.

"All those wasted years... all those precious, wasted years."

I've suffered from insomnia since I was 12, maybe earlier. I've always been a light sleeper. I don't know how long I've had the apnea, but it's quite possible all of my "laziness" (or the vast majority of) was just from a lack of decent sleep. I wouldn't be surprised if it was a component in my depression. All the times I struggled with various jobs. All the projects I never had the energy to finish. Shoot, probably even my weight; I've always had trouble physically dragging myself out of bed to exercise.

Because I've always been motivated. Which is what made so little sense. I couldn't be lazy, I loved doing stuff, or otherwise didn't have a problem doing stuff other people complained about.

Still unpacking this. I will probably have to wait until my health insurance switches over on July 1st to get any treatment/equipment.

I don't want to pin too much on it, but since getting my medication under control and starting to feel much better about myself, the energy has remained the missing piece. And now, who knows? I may become a totally different person.