May 16th, 2006

Prof. Ned Brainard

What would Nerd Jesus do?

Q. Nerd Jesus, I have an old Pentium I PC that's just gathering dust. What should I do with it?
A. Recycle, my child. Turn it into a linux box! You get bonus salvation points if you overclock that m0f0, and that means you're closer to nerd heaven (or, as Nerd Buddha likes to joke, Nerdvana).

Q. O, Mighty and Just Nerdlord, I have a predicament. There's this girl I like...
A. Whoa, there, sport. Can't help you there. I'm a Nerd. V-I-R-G-I-N, Nerd.

On the subject of writing really short jokes, you know what job I always wanted? Writing for Darkwing Duck. I wish I could write those little epithets he comes up with for himself. "I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am...
...the fork in the electrical socket of evil."
...the run in the stocking of injustice."
...the wobble in the chair at the dinner table of cruelty."
...the blood in the stool of villainy!"

Well, maybe not that last one.
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