May 11th, 2004


Oh, and

A few moments ago, a bird alighted on my window sill on the end nearest to me, just a few feet from my face. It had a beautiful red crown. Three hours ago, I was a vessel of rage.


It had so much more room to land, but it chose to land next to me.
  • Current Music
    white noise
The Wreck of You

Back to rage

I just went out for some fresh air, to shop for groceries, and to pick up my last Netflix DVD at my mother's place. Some yutz with a crackerjack badge pulled me over for running a red light. My M.O. is speeding; I don't disobey traffic signs. Once again, my perfect foil worked; I accidentally forgot my insurance. Actually, I'm not sure I ever got it because A) A new company took over for Prudential and B) the post office has been slow in forwarding things. Well, I didn't get a moving violation (just like last time), but this time the Failure to Display fine is $176, compared to the $44 it was when I got pulled over in Alpine. Yeah, he let me off easy with that no-point but twice the $ ticket. I know I didn't run the light because I was in a good mood; I was nowhere near road-raging. Not until my trip home (I returned without groceries because I don't feel like leaving my house anymore) where I decided to earn the ticket. If they are going to charge me $176, I am going to perform $176 worth of actual violations (he even called my insurance company to verify I was insured! That should be enough!). We've all had our moments like that.

Frustrated with the lives that we lead
we project a metal box at unsafe speed
Pay it no heed
I've got more than rage to bleed

Stuff like this really makes me want to break things. Or hurt people.

On an unrelated note (?), I could:
  • Drive to Ithaca and be there in 4 hours
  • Reapply, get counseling, find (a job that pays a $100 less but an apt that costs $200 less)/mo. etc and be there in 4 months
  • Obsess over Cornell, never to return.

    Now, at last I fall before the Fountain of Lamneth
    I thought I would be singing but I'm tired, out of breath

    I'm not going to make it like this. If I did everything I have to do simply to get my apartment in order I wouldn't be done by the time I'm due in at work in the morning. I don't feel like going to work and getting yelled at tomorrow. I don't feel like going into work and killing everyone; not yet at least. So I guess it's not all bad. Still, I have too much work, which bleeds over into my personal life and into the sink where I have dishes that haven't been washed since April.

    Maybe if I killed everyone within a 500 mile radius, I could get some shit done. Or at least get some peace.
    • Current Music
      Zebra - Who's Behind The Door?