November 16th, 2001


long time, no scream of consciousness

thoughts like syringes as they impinge on the membranes of my brain inside my head again and again and I'm helpless to prevent the constant torment that will not relent and leaves me feeling spent, rent, wrested and bent, twisted and rusted, discarded and scattered on the floor in a photograph aged and tinged with nevermore

they will not escape like a deathshroud draped over my struggling hands, tearing, claustrophobic, to be free or as free as can be, at least. A cease, a peace, that's all I seek and to peek out from beneath the shealth where I'm sheltered and kept drowned in tears that I've wept oceans that swept me away days ago. My own worst foe; this much I know, in the fight to break out and face the light or the dark or whatever awaits in terms of my fate beyond the gate of this fiercesome self-hate that needs to abate, especially of late- I debate

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These are the moments without weather

machine us down to pieces which fit inside a systematic structure that wants to be tragic but is just to busy consumed by the overwhelming polished shininess of itself

weighed down by grandiose ideas that don't take into account the life they're crushing out of themselves; as the parts assembled are not perfectly created and start to sag under their own wait for impatiens to blossom

tremulo wavers like streamers from heaven made from cast off tatters of leathery plucked wings no feathers dance but on the wind when buoyed from forces external that press them up against the sky where they writhe in agonized bliss as if clutched in the unseen fist of god and squeezed till they bleed raw emotional joy like almondine mud skyward falling

falling asleep typing here

words won't come, even when I force them. I haven't forgotten your e-mail, Miss Lady. I started to reply but I just felt odd so tomorrow after work.

Everything seems so distant once in enters my eyesockets.
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