November 1st, 2001

Grrr!, Dammit!

Hey, Stupid Fucks of the internet.

I have three friends I'd like you to meet. They are peek, peak, and pique.

Peek (v.) is to clandestinely look at somethiing. To sneak a peek (n.).

Peak (n.) is the top of something; the apex or summit. The height.

Pique (v.) is to make someone curious about something. Interest is piqued.

  • DO NOT let me see you having your interest peeked. No one is looking at your interest. It is being PIQUED.

  • DO NOT sneak a peak. You are not smuggling mountains.

  • DO NOT tell me you need to get in peek condition for a sporting event coming up. Not unless your goal is to be really sneaky, and then there are better ways to say that.

    Yes, it does matter. I'm not going to spend two minutes trying to figure out what you meant each time. That time adds up. No, I don't know what you mean. I have to figure it out. If you spelled right, and GODDAMNED FUCKING PUNCTUATED ONCE OR TWICE I would know what you meant, instead of having to make inferences. If you make mistakes from time to time, that's okay. But don't be cavalier about it, cause that gets my anal retention up.

    What you want to post in your own journal is fine; don't expect me to read it, though. But fer chrissakes don't post like that to a community, especially not an lj_ community. That is NOT your private journal where you are just jotting down thoughts for yourself.

    Lecture's over. Your homework is to:
    A) Get a dictionary. Or bookmark an online one.
    B) If you have a question, fucking ask your English teacher or someone. We won't laugh, honest. Not if you actually want to learn.
    C) Stay off AOL/IRC for the weekend. Read a book; anything, from Dr. Seuss to Dostoyevsky. Remind yourself how English is supposed to look (you'll need a translation of Dostoyevsky for that). Cultivate that sense of when something looks wrong, so you'll be able to proofread your own text.
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    The view from up here

    You win.

    Maybe it's just because I'd already heard all the jokes from friends who couldn't stop reciting movie lines.

    Maybe it's because racial humor is nothing new or interesting to me.

    Maybe it's just because I don't like "everyone's favorite" anything.

    Maybe it's because of the brilliant and subtle Hitchcock parodies that don't stop coming.

    Maybe it's the Madeline Kahn.

    Mmm... Madeline Kahn.

    Maybe it's because it just feels right.

    Mmm... Madeline Kahn.

    Maybe the humor is just intelligent enough; knows when to be completely overblown and knows when to whisper things in your ear that make you giggle.

    Maybe it's because I've only seen the other one once, and not under ideal conditions (ie when I was receptive, or could hear well).

    Everyone's favorite Mel Brooks movie, Blazing Saddles, is not my favorite. High Anxiety is. It's so funny. It really is. I'm glad it's on TV like all the time.

    Like now.
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