October 23rd, 2001

The view from up here

The poor boy changes his clothes and puts on aftershave...

Before I understood the symbolism of this song, I used to think of myself as the poor boy. I'd idly speculate about some girl with diamonds on the soles of her shoes meeting me and the two of us falling in silly love. I used commute uptown to Marble Hill, 235th St. and Broadway, to catch MetroNorth. I'd always look fondly at the bodegas there and remember the song, and the girl. I don't know if it's odd for boys to have Princess Charming fantasies.

I'm wearing all black today, and I like it. Black shirt, black pants, black undershirt, black socks, black shoes, black tie (with white diamonds, admittedly, but it matches the song). Black black black black. Coal black, shiny black, matte black, the void black of empty space, give it all to me. It's not a goth thing; back when I thought I'd started goth, I had been wearing it because I liked how it looked on me. I still think it's a sexy color. Me? I look very striking today. One big, monolithic black entity. Aside from my skin.

Which reminds me of something funny; a woman came to my window today and the first words out of her mouth were: "I'm glad to see a brother got the job." Now you can imagine me: "Brother, where?" and looking around. I'm black, and I'm white. I'm really neither, at the same time. It's funny, and it's fun. On my job application, they asked me my nationality for the equal opportunity people. I answered: "American."

I am; despite my alternative modes of thought and complete lack of (fanatical) "patriotism;" I'm more American than 90% of people. Which is why I get offended when people say I'm from New Jersey. I'm really not. I was born and bred in the Midwest; by New York area parents, sure, but I grew up in suburban cornfields listening to Johnny Cougar. I like Hank Hill. I may not agree with some of his ideology, but that's what makes us Americans; coexisting not just despite our differences, but with them. I also like his integrity; something we share, I like to think. Upstanding, professional, and pretty reliable. That's something that supercedes national boundaries. It's just something that ought to be. If it needs to be taught, so be it. I'll teach my kids, and I won't say things to them like your face will freeze. Honestly, if my parents had told me the reasoning behind half the rules they gave me, they wouldn't have had half the problems. Some youthful insurgence is to be expected, but all I wanted was to know why. Like that one time I stole an eraser from school (kindergarten). My mom asked me where I got it, and I said I stole it. She told me I'd better return it, and I said ok. She was mad, but didn't punish me; I think because I was honest. That's the kind of kid I was; it's the kind of guy I am.

I'm very proud of how all the disparate thoughts I've been having today managed to come together in this entry.

Yes, I once thought I'd started goth. At least, locally. I was the first one to fit the mold when people here were still feathering their hair.

On second thought, maybe I won't raise my kids well. Maybe I'll be a lackluster father so that I spare them grief when I die. Isn't that what a good father would want for his kids? For his death to not affect them too badly?

You don't feel you could love me, but I feel you could.

I'm 100% me.
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Hello Time Bomb!

Top-Fivin' MF

Join top5 today! Or tomorrow.

The Top 5 rules for this community:

  1. No discriminatory Top 5s. Don't list things like your top 5 friends, cause someone's feelings will be hurt. A Top 5 should be inclusionary, not exclusionary.
  2. It should be stated if a list is real or fantasy. Mixing the two is heavily discouraged, as it changes your motives (and what you can get away with if legality is a question). Two seperate lists should really be made in this instance.
  3. The Top 5 should be interesting and tell us something about yourself. The "Top 5 things to pick up at the grocer's" isn't interesting unless you buy really unorthodox food.
  4. As a corollary to #3, provide a brief rationale (at most a paragraph). No life stories, but we do want to learn about you!
  5. If it's an ordinal list, specify! If it's not in any particular order, let us know that, too.

Top 5 Tuesdays!
Every Tuesday I'll post a Top 5 topic for the week. But don't let that stop you from posting your own.

Question for the week of October 23, 2001:
The Top 5 things to make a Top 5 list about. Help us get started!
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I was going to post something "witty" today that referred to Bif's line in BAK TO TEH FUCHAR where he says, "Why don't you make like a tree and [scram/get outta here (I can't remember)]?" I was going to say why don't you make like an egg and scram, as opposed to "beat it." But then I thought... scram... scrambled eggs... scramble... I wonder if they are related? Scram doesn't sound like anything but short for scramble. Of course, it could be the other way around, so I checked dictionary.com. Sure enough, linguists seem to agree with me. What else is new?

What's that game called where you place your hand on a table and stab the spaces between your fingers as fast as you can? Bishop did it in Aliens, I believe. Anyway, I used to be really good at that; about 5 or six stabs a second. Now I'm down to four (41 stabs in 10 seconds). That's still 240 chances to stab myself per minute. And I used a pen today, not a knife like I used to. Good thing, too, or I would have lost my index finger, cut some tendons in my thumb, and pretty well slit the back of my wrist. I can tell by where the ink marks my skin. I haven't done it since right before I started dating Becca, when I stabbed myself through my thumbnail pretty righteously.

The top5 things to do before I die:
  • Drive cross-country. Probably retrace Rte. 66. It's the beat thing to do. (Do you say route "root" or "raut"?)
  • Become fluent in another language. I want to be able to slip back and forth between the two mentally, possibly dreaming in both.
  • Write a song. With instruments and everything. And not just "make" a song, like with Worse Than Pop. Really craft it. Put my soul into it.
  • Patent an invention.
  • Raise kids. (Saved the best for last?)

    Fantasy list:
  • Perpetrate a worldwide hoax, something on the scale of the Piltdown Man.
  • Listen to Weezer. No, I'm kidding. I don't really want to listen to Weezer.
  • Rock the Casbah. Take my band on a world tour, at least. I don't know if we'll get to play Middle Eastern venues, though.
  • Kill a Beatle. (Watch out, Paul.)
  • Turn down a nomination for the Presidency. I would probably sing "High-Fiving MF"... YOU WANT ME... YOU CAN'T PAY!!! etc.
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    I'm not gay but I believe in fairies.

    I don't think I'll raise my children atheistically, but I don't want to feed them any lines about "God" and "Teh Devull" or any of the Zoroastrian dieties. Instead, I'll borrow from a more modern mythology: the Tooth Fairy (I almost typed "Thoth Fairy").

    I will tell them that there is a "Good Fairy" (and I'm not spelling it 'faerie', even if I am Celtic. Suck it down) and an "Evil Fairy." At the end of the day, the Good Fairy will come, "collect" all their good deeds, and leave them money accordingly. Then the Evil Fairy will come, collect their evil deeds, and... uh... leave them money. But it will be EVIL MONEY; every toy they buy with it will be really crappy and probably break, possibly injuring them.

    This should teach the surviving children to be good, or at least not overtly evil. And hopefully, the Good Fairy will visit grownups, because otherwise I don't know how I'll be able to afford all this.
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