October 22nd, 2001

The view from up here

As good as dead

A la Nick Hornby in High Fidelity, a top five list of dream jobs:

1. Bold, swaggerin' boss jock, a la the Greaseman, schwappin stories and lovin life. I don't care what you say about his material; the man can improv one HELL of a story. Those of you who know my love for radio (esp. radio dramas) and my dedication to the perfect delivery of a joke will understand this choice.

2. (Successful) author and stay-at-home dad. I'd love to balance the both, if possible. Kids? I would be like, the BEST dad ever. Housework? I rock housework back to the stone age. Or I could, if I tried. Writing? Well, I need some confidence...

3. Running a small record store. But it would have to be an ideal situation, because I know the HELL that is running a small business. Actually, to cross Hi-Fi with Chasing Amy, I'd have to make it a records/comic book store. I'm so John Cusack. Even emode says so. And being the go-to guy on rare music? Hell yes! I would invite the reverend_dave to work there with me and cover the gaps in my knowledge, but he'll be off some where being all higher up on the entertainment business ladder.

...

SELLOUT!

4. Consulting... but not like that. Basically, people come to me with a problem; I solve it. Like The Wolf in Pulp Fiction, but not gang-related. I'm really creative in unorthodox ways. I was always that child who would answer "trick" questions completely seriously, kinda like how Alexander the Great solved the Gordian knot with a fucking sword. That was sweet.

5. Failing that, something similar... I'd like to work in a think tank. A thousand bright ideas in a day are worthless if they're not caught and then sold to major companies at an insane price granting me a miniscule commission. I guess this is really the same as #4, only I wouldn't be independant. But I'd also just be coming up with ideas to be pitched... creating new things and not just fixing broken ones. But I'd still be sacrificing some freedom... imaginary freedom, since the type of job in #4 can't be too common. Otherwise, I'd have heard about it, right?

...

6. ...
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Humility

Electrified and lit up in an outline of herself

Smiling now as only she can be...

I don't feel like eating. I made food, but I don't feel like eating. I feel instead like retreating into a world of hate and loud music. I don't like that I almost let my temper get to me... not to the explosion point, but to the point of self-loathing. Dude, chill. I'm used to being able to go off on people when they irritate me... you can't do that with customers. It's even worse in a bank because you're really pinned behind the counter so you can't shout annoyingly patronizing things after them as well.

I'm forcing myself to eat. Consider it a partial birthday present, Becca. I'm choking down Hot Pockets and cool anger. And music. One song, on repeat, and LOUD.

I love how music feels crisp like dollar bills when it's new to me. I also like how you can put an album away for awhile and the freshness will return. Thank you, Local H. I really needed As Good As Dead last night.

It's too much... you're too late.
I want to see it all again
She said: "Keep this benzene ring around your finger
and think of me when everything you wanted starts to end."


But everything I wanted is only beginning.

I will take care of you...
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The view from up here

You top fiving motherfucker! Ya top fivin' mother fucker...

Top five things to save up for:

1. A car. A decent pair of wheels that will last three years without too much maintenance. And it needs a decent sound system. blifikidz will handle any necessary details, cause it's what he does, and what he does well. $2000-$5000.

2. A new computer. Something that will allow me to run WinAMP and a browswer at the same time. No Compaqs. $1250-$2000

3. Paying for my education. This is something that has to be done, and is drawn out; otherwise I would have put it second. It's not like it's something I can avoid doing; but at the same time, it's not something you can just up and do all at once (without a sudden major surge in income). $10-15k.

4. A drum set, and possibly a guitar. Time to stop fucking around. Music is in my veins, and I need an outlet. I don't care how tone deaf I am; if I have to, I'll play the guitar strictly rhythm; I don't need to make it cry or make it sing. And I know I could be a killer drummer if I could ever be actually taught. Enough of this fucking teaching myself. $1500-$2500.

5. A pool table. Fun! I like to think I'm pretty good at pool, when I want to be. With practice, who knows? I could at least be decent. I have done no research on the cost, because this is pie-in-the-sky item for when I'm a happily settled suburbanite.