August 1st, 2001

I could copywrite for an Ad firm

SCENE: Early evening in Suburbia. PIZZA BOY walks up to door and rings BELL.

BELL. ding dong

JACK NICHOLSON. answering the door, testy Yes?

DELIVERY BOY. chipper Domino's! Did you order the Code Red?

JN. looks around furtively before erupting You're darn right I ordered the Code Red!

cut to shots of the pizza

ANNOUNCER. New Domino's Code Red pizza! Made with real chunks of spicy buffalo chicken it blah blah blah limited time blah MSRP blah blah...

Slogan: Domino's! You're Darn Right!
  • Current Music
    Gary Numan - It Must Have Been Years
Starless

In which I quote no one and others.

The sound of steam escaping.

Not quite a whistle; not quite a scream.

The sound of what it's like to be stifled; screaming at the top of your lungs so no one can hear you.

"I'm losing ground; you're losing sound.
And somewhere a dragonfly descends with just a whisper: I'm lonelier than God."
  • Current Music
    Hum - Suicide Machine
Hello Time Bomb!

A st00pid survey for st00pid gurls

1. What's your name:
Hi!

2. What do you wish your name was, instead?
Fuck You.

3. How are you:
Through the mystery of SCIENCE!

4. Would you ever eat sushi?
Too late. ARR UMM NUMM NUMM

5. Would you ever eat sushi off a naked body?
Ever? Yes.

6. Have you considered homosexuality?
No. Bisexuality, maybe. Whereever you can get good head...

7. What's your sexual preference?
"Go to... sir? Sir? Go to the options menu... yes, sir, it's at the top of your screen. Yes. Options. Mm-hmm... now hold the mouse button down and drag it until... that's okay, sir, have patience, you'll learn how to select items from the menu soon enough. Now drag it until you've highlighted "Preferences..." Mm-hmm, now let go. Okay. Now, find the tab... sir, it's just like a file index folder... yes, the tab, no, not on the keyboard. Yes. Now select the tab that says "Sex"... Mm-hmm... that's where you'll find your sexual preferences. What's that? Uhh, no, sir. I wouldn't play with those unless you mean it, sir. Okay, okay. Thank you for calling, sir. Have a nice day."

8. What were you in a past life?
Dead, for a little bit.

9. I punch you. Quick, what do you do?
GET MY SISTAR TO BEET YOU UPP%!@$!@

10. When confronted with Britney Spears, you:
Like Katy said; confront? Like, she's thrust in my face? Probably talk to her. I talk to everybody. She might even say I'm a good listener. Then we could be friends.

11. What's your favorite coffee?
ALLERGIES TO BEANS. Why do I have to be excluded from all this mainstream stuff? At least I'm not lactose intolerant. But man, no peanut butter sandwiches (which is why I learned to make ketchup and pickle sandwiches WITH THE ENDS OF THE BREAD), and I can't eat most nuts because they're largely prepared in peanut oil. Even thought I couldn't eat M&M's for awhile cause the regular ones have trace amounts of peanuts. :(

12. What's your political perspective?
Eyes closed. Whether like a driver in an imminent crash, or like someone learning to fly depends on your political perspective. I'm a tend your own garden type. I mean, if everyone was nice to each other, there'd be no large scale political problems other than making sure we were growing the right amounts of every type of food (like so not everyone decides to grow rhubarb one year and we are all stuck eating rhubarb pie), and that's more like a business. We all know I have no head for business.

13. Are you my Angel?
OF HELL maybe.

14. Do you consider yourself a poet?
I do. Not a good one, but an honest/true one. I write "poems" and if you like them, good for you. If you tell me, good for me. It makes me smile to think that someone can understand what I mean. That's all poetry seems to be; an attempt at expression/sharing common experiences by deviating from the norm of human speech/grammar.

15. What do you wanna be when you grow up?
Jesus.

16. There's a naked man in your living room. What do you do:
Paint. (JIGGLYPUFF!)

17. How stupid do you think you are?
Stupid? We all make mistakes.

18. How stupid do other people think you are?
Oh, they think I'm real fucking clever, don't they?

19. Who the hell do you think you are?
Jesus. Only lazier.

20. Is the Wonderbra good or bad?
Me like boobies? A good bra is one on the floor (or whereever it lands... computer monitor, whatever). I like to look at boobies, and it's best when they're natural, but I don't like them all saggy, either. And I'm not even going to get started on comfort issues and whatnot. Bras are a woman's business. What happens after they come off is mine.

21. If you could levitate, who would you scare first?
Myself? I'd be like... whoa, I'm levitating. I'd probably end up replacing that one guy as the villain in all John Carpenter's movies. You know.. the one goth guy in the trenchcoat with the long-ish hair who's always levitating. I'd see Ghosts of Mars, but I'm afraid it will be just like Vampires... it's got the same villain with a few more face piercings, that's fer shur.

22. What's your favorite fruit?
Pear. I am fond of peaches, but only if those peaches are metaphorical and really just a Steve Milleresque reference to eating a woman out. *shrug*

23. Can you feel the love tonight?
I can, but I'm feelin kinda lazy. Maybe I'll go feel it tomorrow.

24. On a nude beach, you would:
Swim. It's a beach, not a social club.

25. Make up a story with yourself, a bridge, and a bunny:
I once walked across a bridge with Rabbit once.

26. What do you think about contemporary art?:
Art as expression, not as market campaigns...

27. Do you like being naked?:
For my woman. I'm ambivalent about it otherwise by this point.

28. If we had proof god didn't exist, what would happen:
You can't prove against faith. That's why it's faith.

29. Do you enjoy cheeze whiz?
Why?

30. What's your position on virginity?:
"69, dude!" When it's time, let it go. Virginity's in the heart, not the crotch.

31. On civil unions:
On what? I am too lazy to do a google search on that term. And if it's political; well, I already said I'm apolitical.

32. On RuPaul:
I don't think I'll ever be "on" RuPaul. I usually don't have opinions on dudes I don't know. Cause like, I don't know them.

33. On mosquito bites:
FUCKING MOSQUITOS! ::He stays awake all hours of the night waiting for them to strike... flips on the light and swats the motherfuckers... lays back down and waits for the next one... or two... or three:: There you have the essence of my childhood once I moved to Bergen County. Me vs. mosquitos with sleep as the loser. They're probably the only living thing I'll kill, at least, kill maliciously.

34. On bad sitcoms:
Don't watch them.

35. On Fran Drescher:
Damn, I used to have a crush on her. Even before she was Nanny Fein... she was FINE. (Guess that shows my opinion on bad puns, too)

"Gag her and bring her to me" ?
  • Current Music
    HUM- I H8 IT 2
Roland, The Gunslinger

Lars

I hope j00 enjoy j00r last birthday, mafucker. I'm 'on END you.
  • Current Music
    Extreme - Pornograffitti - Hole-Hearted