July 26th, 2001

Starless

(no subject)

My hindsight is 20-20
I've got a backseat... rearview
And all those things I should've said
Well, they were true, they were true

And I must've flown a thousand billion mles
The there and back of Known Space
Ten thousand years of solitude
Just to see your face

I fall away again; a rocket booster spent
Will I burn or shatter on impact?
Or both as my charred shell is rent
Speeding ground upcoming like a lack of tact
[that verse is messy but that's how I feel]

And I can feel myself burning
Your face from me keeps turning
Like the moon's hidden dark side
But I'm on a nonstop rocket ride

and fuck I can't write songs right now
  • Current Music
    Rush - Tears

Gender issues (?)

Solitaire has been busy today. And I was thinking of telling the someone who got a good glipse today just that fact, but I could not think whether to call Solitaire a her or a him. I say her first because that's what came to mind first. Odd. I do use a mostly female icon set, but that's because of the Jane Seymour/Solitaire/James Bond thing. But maybe it makes sense.

Maybe she's my amnia— amina— I CAN'T SPELL ANIMA. You know, like the Freudian thing. The deep down feminine side. Heaven knows mine is strong; I've got the female intuition, for certain. And the icon I use here for my deepest, most honest thoughts, is Memories of Charlotte, my nature icon; my outback; my secret place inside; my anima.

I know she's there... I didn't create her; she brought herself into being. She's always been there, and it's only through the gender segregation of childhood that we've become as seperate as we are.

Of course, I grew up hanging out with girls, and playing house and barbies; but on my own terms. I wasn't exactly sending the Barbies to war or anything, but I wasn't limiting them to going shopping. Sometimes I think it was good there was only one other male child in the neighborhood. Otherwise I'd be as fucked up as most guys are.

At least one of my friends keeps a journal for his feminine side. That's something I've always felt was admirable. He was a little ashamed at first, but he's not one to do things he knows he'll regret, and I think he treasures those private thoughts more than a thousand observations made in his on-line journal.

It's nice to be able to drop everything and just be/think/exist. That pure state is so hard to even glimpse. Someday, maybe, I will share it, and then Solitaire will not be so solitary.
  • Current Music
    Rush - Xanadu