June 24th, 2001

I've never watched this show.


Rank Item
# 1Tuxedo Mask
# 2 Venus
# 3 Jupiter
And then: # 4Mercury# 5Moon# 6Uranus# 7Star Maker# 8Saturn# 9Chibi Moon# 10Neptune# 11Pluto# 12Chibi Chibi Moon# 13FireBall# 14Galaxia# 15Star Fighter# 16Mars# 17Star Healer# 18Aluminum Siren# 19Tin Nako# 20Iron Mouse# 21Lead Crow.

Yeah, I'm lazy. Or distracted by this song. More on that later.
I'm led to believe Tuxedo Mask is the best possible result for me. I probably would have been pissed if anything else had hit the top of the list. Heck, someone once called me Tuxedo Mask once, didn't they? I was pretty sly leaving those roses behind for Katie. Too bad she's didn't have a taste for Dark meat. Or something. Oh, well, I had fun. It just would've been nice to have my attention returned.


I used to do this once a day.


In other news, Yeah, I'm rollin' down Rodeo with a shotgun. These people ain't seen a brown-skin man since they grandparents bought one.
ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee

Can't waste a day when the night brings a hearse
So make a move and plead the fifth, cause you can't plead the first.
So now I'm rollin down Rodeo with a shotgun.
These people ain't seen a brown-skin man since they grandparents bought one.

...

One god, one market, one truth, one consumer.

....

Just a quiet, peaceful death. Such a quiet peaceful death.

Have I mentioned enough times that this is my favorite RAtM song EVAR? No. No, I havent. Musically AND lyrically. From the scrolling intro to the elastic chorus riff to the little ee-ee-ee geetar thing Tom does... WHEE!

I think Michelle should be their new lead singer. GIVE ME ALLHERRAGEAGAINSTTHEMACHINE!
NOW.
  • Current Music
    Rage Against the Machine - Down Rodeo
Grrr!, Dammit!

NO VACANCY

Well, gee.

Looks like my trip to California may be cancelled. It's already severely fucked up. I have nowhere to stay.

I guess I carry the curse of my mother, who can often be heard to shout: "EVERY TIME I TRY TO DO SOMETHING FOR ME..."

I understand and feel your pain, mom. It seems I've got the same problem.

The scenario: I purchase tickets a month ago. Three weeks. I was looking forward to a nice vacation. Michelle snagged tickets to a phat concert July 15th, and I wanted to fly out sooner than later. That meant before the fourth, cause tickets are expensive around the fourth. I was even going to hang out with some of the SoCal poss one weekend. Until Torak informed he couldn't make it. No biggie.

Then Michelle lost her job. All of a sudden they are kicking her out of her apartment.

Wow... I thought she would have it for at least a week or so. But it was okay, cause Nemo's mom was being VERY nice and letting me stay.

But then she had second thoughts. I've met Nemo, and I'm okay... but she doesn't know Michelle. And she doesn't want to "get in the middle of anything." Which is fine; any hospitality at all is more than I can thank for in a long time. I could maybe stay with The Boy, but I couldn't impose for too long and he lives two hours away, anyhow.

I sent her an e-mail, asking if maybe she had some friends I could crash with for a day or two at a time, but she's at her father's and there's no telling when she'll get it. I really need to talk to her now. Not in the clingy emotional sense. In the, I'm gonna lose $300 if I don't act now sense. :(
More stress for the wounded angel.

RootNegOne: it just sucks
Vedkar: Yes. Yes, it does.

nemo> My mom's not trying to be mean.. she's just trying to be "realistic" or something
Dark> No, I know!
Dark> I'm really grateful!
Dark> I want to give her a big hug
Dark> I really do
nemo> Oh no, I know.. I just don't want Michelle to feel bad
Dark> I really do need a hug now
Dark> A real one
Dark> stupid internet
Dark> WHERE IS THE LOVE
Dark> it's inside a box
nemo> Heh.. I say that every day
Dark> where I can't touch it
nemo> "Stupid Internet"

Tears are so close right now. I quit my job. I'm going to start another and then take a week off? My current plan is to fly out around the date of the concert, if I can.

nemo> And suddenly part of what you were relying on is gone
nemo> And you can't really do anything about it from there

She's right... I find it very hard to trust... to invest myself in something. And when I do, I get fucked. Invariably. Don't ever wonder why I am so cold and unfeeling and sarcastic and caustic and just plain mean. I need to say this, even though maybe it will hurt Michelle badly... but every time I extend myself, I get hurt. Badly. Not even in a bittersweet fashion. And each time it's worse, because I know more and therefore think I'm better equipped to avoid it this time... I get cocky. And I say never again. And I withdraw.

Right now I am torn between just forgetting the whole thing and doing it at some later date when things have settled for Michelle and taking my friend Ryan up on his offer for a cross-country drive. I'll decide when I hear back from Michelle.

Right now I have nothing... nothing to lose. I've got my friends, but I won't lose them.
  • Current Music
    Nine Inch Nails - Dead Souls / Julee Cruse - Into the Night
lord, From this chair of mine...

Crying won't help you

Crying won't do me no good

When the levee breaks, you've got to MOVE.

"Men debate. Nature acts." -Voltaire.

I don't debate.
  • Current Music
    Led Zeppelin - When the Levee Breaks

Oh

And I seriously let down Becca today. She never called back. I'm so sorry, Becca. Maybe you understand now, though?
  • Current Music
    Soul Coughing - Circles

And another thang

The sound of clipping toenails is anathema to me. Maybe that's why I tear mine off.

This is the last rap song I can remember liking. Like, really liking. Pump it up and roll liking.
  • Current Music
    Wu-Tang Clan - Method Man
This is not my beautiful icon.

I may have already posted this but hey

"You get all squeezed up inside
Like your days were carved in stone
You get a riled up inside
And it's bad to be alone

You can go out, you can take a ride
You can get out on your own
You get all smoothed out inside
And it's good to be alone".


Except I can't... no car.

The stuff from my paper journal... started on my birthday...

I relabel it a DE-COMPOSITION NOTEBOOK and titled it the "Journal of a dying man" since it's all downhill from here.


This summer... Alessandro Volta IS... Alex Volt.. IN... Potential for Disaster.
There, original content in case this was a repost.
  • Current Music
    Rush - Face up / Shiner - Released

One more weapon

Thanks to Ryan, I've got the option I didn't dare hope for... a hostel in Downtown Sacramento. Cheaper, but still not two weeks cheap. One week and then a week at Nemo's cheap, maybe. I have to fight to get tickets now.

Where will the money come from? $25 to cancel a ticket, plus whatever it's going to cost to buy the more expensive replacement ticket, then $100 for a week or so, plus membership (if it'll save me money) plus food...

Mind spinning. I woke me up at 7 AM for some reason and I'm tired. Too tired to think straight. And I have to call creditors tomorrow. Early tomorrow.
  • Current Music
    Jim Croce - Don't Mess Around With Jim

I keep meaning to say

CaseLogic owns me. I got one of their 120 CD cases... (p)leather, with a nice carrying handle like an attache case. I put 125 of my CDs into it this morning, and I must say it's quite nice having most of my music right there. Of course, my CD player is waaay over there. Oh, wait. My portable CD player came with an AC adapter. Yay.

Sweat, baby, sweat.

Maybe I'll post the list of all my CDs sooner than later. Something to work on in spare minutes in California, I guess.
  • Current Music
    Bloodhound Gang - Discovery Channel