June 12th, 2001

I fell asleep wanting to post this

Not this. Something, anything, so that y'all could stop working.

I was transformed last night... I was healed by love and understanding.

I'd be doing what I described in that seppuku poem. And it was killing Michelle.

Once again, you can't love somebody if you don't love yourself. But not the way I thought. I thought that you wouldn't be capable of love; that loving was a sign you loved yourself. Not so. But you can't really love someone and not yourself because your self-hatred will tear them apart with you, and that's not the kind of thing you do to someone you love. Not exactly a Catch-22, but maybe you've got the idea.

Dammit, I am a pretty fucking cool guy. And not just because of the amazing women I've dated and almost dated. I'm not defined by their interest in me (now you know why I was such a whore for attention).

Where do I go from here? Up, I hope. Oh, and west, to the city of Trees.
  • Current Music
    VAST - Pretty When You Cry
lord, From this chair of mine...

Haircut 100

Feels SO good. Waiting too long for a haircut is like tantric sex... or at least, so it must be. I'll have to do some extensive research into it.
  • Current Music
    VAST - Temptation
This is not my beautiful icon.

The words of someone else that struck me (the words, not the person)

Collective Soul - Smashing Young Man
"Your beggar's description
of what I've been missin
Exploit your position
Don't think I didn't listen.
Hey, I hope you're feeling a little better now.

Success is so tragic
Pain is your gadget
You're tongue's just lashing
You're bitching by habit
Hey, I hope you're feeling
a little purer now
Hey, I hope you're feeling
securer now

Help me, I plea
I don't understand
your ways and means
you smashing young man
Help me to see
the good you have planned
You're wearing me thin
you smashing young man

You preach synthetic-like
Peace is an oversight
It's nothing to ignite
your self-lit spotlight
Hey, I hope you're feeling
A little special now
Hey, I want to tell you
I think you're special now

I don't recall asking for guidance
I don't recall wanting to
I don't recall bowing before you
But I'm so impressed with the kindness
in your attitude"

Made me think of me, and the past few days in my life.
  • Current Music
    Collective Soul - Smashing Young Man