February 11th, 2001

"I don't believe in love." - A Different Song from This One

I've decided to abdicate the seat of governance of the State of Confusion... I think I'm going to run in the coming year or so for Governor of the State of Grace... which reminds me of a song. Normally I'd post this in songwerds, but I want to have it in my personal collection.

Ghost of a Chance

Like a million little doorways
All the choices we made
All the stages we passed through
All the roles we played

For so many different directions
Our separate paths might have turned
With every door that we opened
Every bridge that we burned

CODA symbol thingy]
Somehow we find each other
Through all that masquerade
Somehow we found each other
Somehow we have stayed
In a state of grace

I don't believe in destiny
Or the guiding hand of fate
I don't believe in forever
Or love as a mystical state

I don't believe in the stars or the planets
Or angels watching from above
But I believe there's a ghost of a chance
We can find someone to love
And make it last
[end CODA]

Like a million little crossroads
Through the backstreets of youth
Each time we turn a new corner
A tiny moment of truth

For so many different connections
Our separate paths might have made
With every door that we opened
Every game we played


I hope you paid attention to the unitalicized part. That's the crux of what I wanted to say.
  • Current Music
    Argent - Hold Your Head up

Thanks, Evan (http://livejournal.com/~evan)

darksmile's livejournal?
(since some of you don't get it: this is an
"interpretation" of the content in darksmile's

Normally I'd post this in the seat of adventure. I
wake have Thank goodness for an Intellectual,
and you been a million little doorways all the
state of Confusion; incredible wealth of sad
songs I don't have Thank goodness for all the
crux of the framed photo of from there it starts
with? I'll be fine I had my journal these people
that will feel, like girls. Screwdriver dentistry;
turn a crush on my wondering eyes see the
randomizer go, eventually these people that
genuine boyfriend routine is the what your touch
deceives me the rest of place. Fuck people that
try to keep take a mystical State of Your touch
deceives me an Intellectual, and when I of that
love as a good eating, if I probably should I will
yell at Who aced her name, the days I like no
But that I still good eating, if I want a State of
youth knowledge a brownskin man you really
swear devout You'll never leave I love as my
mom will I dragged it in safe mode, and thoughts
now it rhymes.

-- darksmile

You can sub in your own username. You can also reload it FOR GREAT FUNNESS:

I think the roses have six boxes all: of Eureka!
Ahem Penis; above but I could see: my
birthday. Hello? Ahem Penis. I've filled my aunt
sent me I'm rolling down Rodeo with interest and
I am the Intellect you'll never leave, I don't know
we played for me.

How you soak up this book that was going to for
The more of place. Here's the stages we played
for Governor of Eureka! I leave, I want to read the
randomizer go, eventually: these songs I don't
believe in the coming year Or angels watching
from above but I got this Mensa Page A day
calendar that genuine boyfriend routine is my
the framed photo of, a Ghost mystical State of
that I for so I had a crush on my own car
Schrodinger wouldn't know, that it starts With
every bridge that begins and you'll take a
chance Like no one. It. Why me but once all the
answers to Dutch abdicate the backstreets of
your natural as gaga as well as natural as

I can neaten this entry up later. I'm supposed to be packing up.

"Jeanie said when she was jus' 'bout five years old, 'Y'know, my parents are gonna be the death of us all.'"
  • Current Music
    Allister - I Want It That Way (cover of the 98 N'Boys)
This is not my beautiful icon.

Sad music

I'm in a very (early?) 90's sad music Hum/Black Lab mood. It's nice.

"It's liftoff, liftoff again
She's pissed off, pissed off again."
  • Current Music
    Hum - Apollo
Hey Brock!

Oh, yeah

My nails are painted all sparkly. Thanks to Christine Lavin, she gave a great show, even if I did have to be (willingly) dragged.

"I am un chien! adalusia"
  • Current Music
    The Pixies - Debaser

I wake up with these pre-synopsized for lj

I had perhaps the most beautiful, vivid, clear and honest dream I've ever had last night. I refuse to forget it so here goes.

I was walking along with my mom and my brother. All my stuff was loaded in the car, and we were ready to leave. We decided to stop at the Campus Store for some things (more nail polish, ironically. or not). One of the people there was a townie, very out of place, and he did the townie thing of starting a conversation with random people about stuff they don't really want to talk at length about. He was very much the well-spoken man, about 55, lanky, in flannel, with a goatee. His face gave me the slightest impression of emaciation though he wasn't going hungry. I could tell he was smart, just never successful.
I was strangely compelled by his story, despite my initial attempts to brush him off. Pretty soon, a bunch of people were gathered around (not a throng, just 7-10) and he and I were trading thoughts. The dream's starting to get nebulous, but the gist I can remember is that he was a wealthy professor's son, and so was constantly enrolled in a class or two

I just remembered the part preceding this took place in a giant classroom and we were having a very fun astronomy class until it came time to hand in this major huge assignment that I didn't have so I got kicked out.

every semester, learning all sorts of things, but never really going anywhere. He was the archetypical me in the sense that I never seem to hang on to a subject long enough to major in it. He had no degree, for all his effort. The difference between us was that I didn't have the money to stay. But I wasn't 'trapped', either. He had sort of a ghostly-Brigadoon presence that said, I have already begun to fade, I am trapped here, I cannot leave. I think I was supposed to feel good about leaving, because I am getting unstuck.


I liked that dream. I want to write it as a short story if I can. I know it doesn't have plot, it has only shades of characters, and it means almost nothing. But it was real. I told you I have very linear, logical dreams. They're cinematic, with less cuts (edits, actually, but you know what I mean). This was the most linear dream I've ever had. Cause and effect, one foot follows the other. I'm a pitiful surrealist, when I sleep.

"To suffocate this whole human race
Just might keep me awake"

I need to pack. I think. I haven't heard from my Grammy! I hope she's okay. I wonder if she's coming.

  • Current Music
    Flaming Lips - She Don't Use Jelly / CIV - Can't Wait One Minute More / Shiner - Semper Fi / Black Lab - Time Ago

I never heard this part until now

This part:
lie low
I know
lie low
lie low
lie low
I know
lie low

"Three sisters and me frozen in the water
A kiss to send me sinking to the bottom
of my right mind
my right mind."
  • Current Music
    Burning Airlines - 3 Sisters