December 27th, 2000

lord, From this chair of mine...

Too lazy to post this private, feel free to ignore (and no, that's not a cryptic invitation to actually go ahead and read it)

Thinking on a story, probably goes with Roman a Clef, if I ever pick up my pen and write additional chapters/episodes/issues. It would go well with RaC because of the existential nature. That and the whole basic comic-bookness of it. Very Secret Wars. One person (Miguel, most likely) who seeks to destroy the Pillars of Reality because he is Miguel and is curious about the nature of everything. That, and the fact that his 'mutant power' is unstoppability (Shh! I didn't say that), I think would make for an interesting (nerd) read. A lot of philosophical arguing would have to go on to convince him not to shatter the fourth wall. Not that I wouldn't have him do it anyway. Too bad Ren & Stimpy have made destroying reality passe with their history eraser button. Everything's passe. That's why Miguel's plan is switching from taking over the world to destroying it (or remodeling it, at least). Even that's passe. I'll think of something. That's what I get for being a fanboy when I started this story.

"I've got a Dungeon Master's guide
I've got a twelve-sided die
I've got Kitty Pryde
And Nightcrawler, too
Waiting there for me,
Yes, I do. I do."

I wonder if I should make the Pillars representative of aspects of how we form our subjective realities, like they would in a Final Fantasy game. There'd have to be a Pillar of Sensation or maybe Perception, and something like Judgement (I spell it with the optional extra e because it doesn't look as ugly, so there) and something cheesy like Love. Love would probably go first, most likely as the end result of the storyline that my muse Psyli helped me fix. I still have to write that. Apparently Ch. 4 was never actually posted and all digital copies of it have disappeared. Then there needs be that story about the guy whose power is being the exception to the rule. I forgot how I was going to solve that one, since it would involve some clever trickery to have both his power and Miguel's unstoppability both work without conflicting. Unless I had decided to let him be the exception to the rule and thwart Miguel's plans. I really did think I'd written that down as well. Guess that's what I'm doing here. If I could draw, this would be a comic-book already and I would have sold out sometime well into my sophomore year, instead of stalling and forgetting about it.

I have no way of seeing what this post looks like on the web. I'll edit it tomorrow, or something. Stupid Erol's.
  • Current Music
    Magnetic Fields - Crazy for You But Not That Crazy
lord, From this chair of mine...

(no subject)

Just watched Gandhi. That movie is powerful. It makes me want to go out and overturn unjust laws, to resist oppression, and to fight the good fight in whatever form. But my youthful anger is unfocused. I have not eyes like he had. I cannot see like he saw to choose my battles like he did. Perhaps my time to resist has not come; my fight is not yet upon me. But when it comes, I hope I meet it as well as he did, with the clarity of mind and the purity of conscience that he did. When I talk about being a man, being responsible for one's actions, and always doing what's right and called for, that's, in a sense, what I'm talking about.
  • Current Music
    Black Flag - Drink, Drive, Kill

Is this thing on?

If you're a fan of my poetry, you're in luck. If not, skip to something interesting.

First off is a punk-type song that is way too long to actually be a punk song:
Short (Not Blame)
Sell your life
Sell your life
But save your soul for me

Sell your life
Sell your life
For anything but free

Save yourself
Save yourself
For anyone but me

Sell yourself
Sell yourself
Anything but short

Kill yourself
Kill yourself
If you've got the time

Save your life
Save your life
I'm too busy living mine

Save yourself
Save yourself
I don't think I've got the time

Save your breath
Save your breath
I can't listen to you whine

Shut your mouth
Shut your mouth
I ache like you can't believe

I hate myself
I hate myself
I don't know why I even breathe

Recreate myself
Recreate myself
Next time won't be the same

Kill myself
Kill myself
I don't feel any pain

I killed myself
Killed myself
Only silence and smoke remain
not blame

When you touched me, it felt weird
Almost just the way I'd feared
I've pulled back in retreat
But you won't admit to defeat

This feels so strange and I am scared
More than just my soul is bared
There's nothing here I can say
I want to just run away

There's no way I can escape
Whatever this is; it's not quite rape
I know you don't mean any harm
Why am I retracting in alarm?

On the inside, I'm wishing this had never come to pass
On the outside, I'm just feeling like an ass
Because in the end, nothing I do or say
Can make the way you touched me ever go away

Optional Chorus (w/ Harmony; sing parts in parentheses at the same time, both sing parts not in parentheses)
(What you just did / You smashed apart)
(Smashed my / My fragile) heart
(And completely blew my mind / A feeling I've never had)
(But now I'm sad / You made me mad)
'Cause I know (we'll part and / in my right mind)
You'll get left behind

That song's not really about a physical touch, but I wanted to play with that feeling; the bad touch violation. It's really about someone revealing their feelings for you, and the way it can just weird you out. It's about just wishing that they could take back what they'd said, so things wouldn't be weird. Hence the title.

I'll escape
Some day
And behind me it will all burn
Or fade away

My rearview mirror's
Never been clearer
Leaving nothing behind me
Nothing remembered as long as nothing reminds me

Only future left
My past's no memory
A total blank
The void of space ebony
A desperate ploy
To begin again
To live anew
Until (I/my) end

"Escape is never the safest bet"
Fleeing from all I could never regret
A brand new me by moonset
A moment as me is all that's left

A n n i h i l a t e
auto- i m m o l a t e
I b u r n a w a y
T h e n r e - c r e a t e

Your pleas to me
Fall on deaf ears
I've never known you
All these years
What's come and gone
Never really existed
It lasted only as long
As the memory persisted

I'm starting again in a place (I've/you've) never seen
When you wake, it'll be like I've never been

I think that song's pretty self-explanatory, but I could be wrong. Any thoughts/reactions? Did anyone read all that?
  • Current Music
    Burning Airlines - Sweet Deals on Sugery