Then we went, on David's gift certificates (YAY THANKS J00 DA5ID!) to see Final Fantasy. Oy. Typical heavy-handed Japanese morality (place your faith in secret eastern doctrine; the science of the west and hard facts will only melt your brain and make you evil). I expected more special effects and action (why do dialogue if it's not your strong suit?). I wasn't expecting typical FF, but it pretty much was. We have to get 12 of thing X, and just before you get #12, it is destroyed (ha ha!) by your enemy and you have to find some other way (think the last temple in Secret of Mana) to do blah blah. Worth it for the number of out-of-character jokes we made about all the players (esp. Ben Affleck's character, played by Alec Baldwin. The "I'm fucking Matt Damon... IN THE ASS!!! thing never gets boring. Oh, wait, it just did. Never mind. In essence, I was expecting exactly what I wasn't supposed to expect, and I didn't get it. Only I didn't get what I was supposed to expect according to the reviews, either. Geez, the only difference between it and a (recent) FF RPG is that the hero was female and the FMV (full-motion video) sequences were shorter. I mean, casting Knights of the Round took longer than this movie. I hate Square RPGs of late. But that's another story.
So, that story (yeah, I'll just make it a paragraph), and vinz_klortho can back me up here: Square RPGs suck. Push a button, sit through 45 minute FMV sequence. Want to cast a spell? Oh, geez. I hope you want to read the Bible cover to cover in the original Greek/Hebrew a few times. One hit? It does 1354135 damage. More than the final boss of FF had, that's for sure. But that's okay... the bad guys now have 2513251963 hit points, so the inflation doesn't really affect anything. It just makes trivial combat more trivial. If the slimes in Dragon Warrior had had 140 HP instead of 4, I would have thrown that game OUT TEH WINDOE. And the sidequests. The fucking card game in FF8 was the stupidest piece of shit I ever saw. They should have packaged it seperate, except they know no one but the hardest-core otaku would play it unless they were FORCED. And that is because it is not only dumb, but also wretchedly stupid. I like Zelda much better, because it's not RPG; it's adventure. I want to kill shit. If I have to use my mind, like in Goldeneye, that's cool. But don't give me busy work (I hated the trading sequences in Zelda64, yes).
I'll tell you where you can stick that Golden Chocobo.