I feel like I've got a piece of shrapnel stuck in my chest. If I move, it cuts deeper and deeper in, closer to my heart (a la Tony Stark/Iron Man). If I lie still, what difference is it from being dead? I feel helpless and immobilized. I want to change, but I also want to be understood as I am. I don't know why I do the things I do; I don't even notice myself being mean or callous. I just don't react to stuff like other people, whether because I'm built differently, or because I've tried to make myself this way, or some combination.
I haven't been withdrawing; that's a good sign. It's got to be.