Spent the BEST DAY EAVER in San Fran with Michelle, Alison, and Logan (TEH BOY!!!11!). Soooo much fun. I ran down Lombard Street (twice), both times illegally, in TEH STRETE, and ran up it once to go back down. Well, I had to. I'd forgotten to take a picture of it from the top.
I'm learning stuff about myself on this trip. Important revelations. Those are always good, even if they feel bad. I know I really love Michelle; I can't look at her and not (I fight the urge to go "awww" or touch it and awkwardly croak: "preee-tee"). I'm also learning about give and take, and when it's good to stand my ground (a lot more often than I used to, apparently). I need to do it more often, if for no other reason than to be able to do it more gently; to be able to say, "This is how I feel," without feeling I've stepped on any feelings. Right now, I'm more at the stage where I say, "This is how I feel, dammit. I'm sorry, but I can't think about how that's going to make you feel because I'm busy working on expressing my emotions."
What a jerk I am. Good thing I wasn't a dumb schmuck; I fell in love with a girl who's understanding, if for no reason other than that she's not perfect herself. Close, but not quite. Sometimes when I look at her, I feel candy-coated spasms of turbulent frustration when I think that there's no possible way I can express just how I feel about her. But then she'll smile at me, and I'll think that maybe she's thinking the same thing, and I'll smile back, and then maybe we'll kiss, and for a second, it will all melt away. Only, of course, to be replaced by the same feelings back again, stronger this time, and out for vengeance.
But fuck it. I got Linkin Park's album (finally), and I'm all rocked out for tonight. Maybe I should listen to the Fountains of Wayne album I (finally) picked up; there's a track on it that's something like, "Baby, Please Don't Rock Me Tonight." Getting up early to make the train to SF sho take it out of a body. And if Michelle hadn't been dawdling online, talking to her many internet boyfriends, I'd be faaaaast asleep by now. So, yeah. Nothing's my fault. Ever.
Well, shit. I hadn't planned on posting actual content. Fuck.
I feel that I've betrayed...
