The Enemy of the Good (eideteker) wrote,
The Enemy of the Good

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Well, gee.

Looks like my trip to California may be cancelled. It's already severely fucked up. I have nowhere to stay.

I guess I carry the curse of my mother, who can often be heard to shout: "EVERY TIME I TRY TO DO SOMETHING FOR ME..."

I understand and feel your pain, mom. It seems I've got the same problem.

The scenario: I purchase tickets a month ago. Three weeks. I was looking forward to a nice vacation. Michelle snagged tickets to a phat concert July 15th, and I wanted to fly out sooner than later. That meant before the fourth, cause tickets are expensive around the fourth. I was even going to hang out with some of the SoCal poss one weekend. Until Torak informed he couldn't make it. No biggie.

Then Michelle lost her job. All of a sudden they are kicking her out of her apartment.

Wow... I thought she would have it for at least a week or so. But it was okay, cause Nemo's mom was being VERY nice and letting me stay.

But then she had second thoughts. I've met Nemo, and I'm okay... but she doesn't know Michelle. And she doesn't want to "get in the middle of anything." Which is fine; any hospitality at all is more than I can thank for in a long time. I could maybe stay with The Boy, but I couldn't impose for too long and he lives two hours away, anyhow.

I sent her an e-mail, asking if maybe she had some friends I could crash with for a day or two at a time, but she's at her father's and there's no telling when she'll get it. I really need to talk to her now. Not in the clingy emotional sense. In the, I'm gonna lose $300 if I don't act now sense. :(
More stress for the wounded angel.

RootNegOne: it just sucks
Vedkar: Yes. Yes, it does.

nemo> My mom's not trying to be mean.. she's just trying to be "realistic" or something
Dark> No, I know!
Dark> I'm really grateful!
Dark> I want to give her a big hug
Dark> I really do
nemo> Oh no, I know.. I just don't want Michelle to feel bad
Dark> I really do need a hug now
Dark> A real one
Dark> stupid internet
Dark> it's inside a box
nemo> Heh.. I say that every day
Dark> where I can't touch it
nemo> "Stupid Internet"

Tears are so close right now. I quit my job. I'm going to start another and then take a week off? My current plan is to fly out around the date of the concert, if I can.

nemo> And suddenly part of what you were relying on is gone
nemo> And you can't really do anything about it from there

She's right... I find it very hard to trust... to invest myself in something. And when I do, I get fucked. Invariably. Don't ever wonder why I am so cold and unfeeling and sarcastic and caustic and just plain mean. I need to say this, even though maybe it will hurt Michelle badly... but every time I extend myself, I get hurt. Badly. Not even in a bittersweet fashion. And each time it's worse, because I know more and therefore think I'm better equipped to avoid it this time... I get cocky. And I say never again. And I withdraw.

Right now I am torn between just forgetting the whole thing and doing it at some later date when things have settled for Michelle and taking my friend Ryan up on his offer for a cross-country drive. I'll decide when I hear back from Michelle.

Right now I have nothing... nothing to lose. I've got my friends, but I won't lose them.

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