The Enemy of the Good (eideteker) wrote,
The Enemy of the Good
eideteker

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I break shit

I found out why I like music like the Toadies so very much. I am apparently a Backstroker, according to the Spark. "Lucifer was a backstroker... so was Ted Bundy. And most serial killers." Great. "Watch out, ladies, this one's a killer," they used to joke about me, when I was just a lad. Little did they know, huh? Basically, being a backstroker means I have a lot of love to give, but I'm really bad at handling it. I'm like a child in a glass sculpture store. I want to touch everything, to admire it's beauty, but I just end up breaking shit. Good job, loverboy. "Sparkmatch is probably not for you." You're kidding me, right? Duh.

Music: Creep, Radiohead. Yeah. The Police, Don't Stand so Close to Me one minit, Every Breath You Take the next. Stabbing Westward's Shame and yet Save Yourself. Picking up a trend? Plenty of stalker-esque songs, though I'd never stalk. But more importantly, and what I only just noticed (I did a stalker inventory at one point, and not a chance), a lot of songs that say either "I am nothing without you" or "leave me the fuck alone". Why must I be so bipolar? And no, don't say it's because I'm a Gemini.

I CAN'T TALK TO GIRLS I WILL HURT/BREAK/KILL THEM.

I NEED TO BE LOVED.

I also got the results back on my learning disability test. I didn't find out if I have A.D.D. because the test I thought I was taking to diagnose it is POWERLESS against it. The cognitive test came back fucking stellar (you're beyond 99th percentile blah I knew that). But the attitudes/emotional eval. was all like 01 percentile (Are you depressed? You have absolutely no motivation according to this test) which points to emotional problems. So I'll go in for a psychiatric appointment. I have GOT to be depressed or anxious to be failing out of a cake major like psych. I don't want a pill. I just want to know why.

In other news: "Hold me never let me go. There's a thousand things I want you to know. Hold me when confusion reigns, as it sucks me to the bone again."
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